People only have one life, but they can experience the joys and sorrows of others' lives through words. Just like this passage in "Tokyo Eight Square Meters": "Movies are a shortcut that allows you to enrich your own worldview through the screen, and also understand the things happening in front of you and the various people from different perspectives." Movies are like this, and literary works are the same.
Although I am trapped in a small room, I can follow my favorite authors and experience different lives in this vast world through their perspectives. Isn't this also a way to broaden my own life?
At first, I treated "Tibet White Paper" as a romance novel, but after reading it, I realized that I gained much more than I expected.
There is true character in it, let the outside world be full of wind and rain#
Many of the traits of the author are what I admire, and I suddenly discovered that I also have similar qualities, but I didn't know how to describe them before, and I even despised myself. But these words, these descriptions, are a form of support in themselves, it is a system of discourse that allows me to better understand myself and know how to interpret myself.
This support from afar made me gradually understand that those who share the same aspirations are not far away. I can deeply empathize with many subtle thoughts in the book, the weariness of the mainstream evaluation system, the doubt about the definition of so-called success, the passion worn away by the monotonous life, the search for reentering nature, the adventure of abandoning social identity... It turns out that the author has also experienced many convoluted journeys that I didn't know how to express, and in those moments, I no longer feel lonely, but realize that someone is fighting alongside me at that moment, struggling together.
In fact, like the author, I have always had many rebellious parts in my heart, but in the past, I always subconsciously hid them, concealed them behind silence, concealed them behind gentleness. But now, I want to express all these "inappropriateness" in my bones, show my attitude, my stance, instead of being ambiguous and trying to maintain a so-called dignity. I don't need to be gentle, obedient, and compliant, nor do I need to suppress myself to win anyone's favor.
So I don't really need to fit into certain circles, I don't need to compromise, I don't need to excessively adapt to the environment, or even let the environment blur my true self without realizing it. I should be myself, walk the path that I truly approve of, and meet like-minded people along the way.
Protecting my own little world, there is true character in it, let the outside world be full of wind and rain.
Higher education, a good job according to secular standards, and a middle-class life, these things are like Zhu Bajie's pearl coat, dazzling me and unknowingly binding me. They constantly tempt and urge me: invest, save, travel abroad twice a year, buy a big house, have two or three children... Gradually, everything changed. The people around me all praise brand-name bags, sports cars, membership clubs, and five-star hotels in unison.
The belief in materialism surpasses poetry, and dreaming is an unrealistic performance. I have lost the fearless vitality I once had and grown into a calm adult, and my world has ultimately become their world. At this moment, I finally understand that the postures I used to put on were all self-deception—no, I didn't successfully resist the mediocre and boring life. What's worse is that it has turned me into a mediocre and boring person.
When I was a child, I read "John Christopher" and was deeply impressed by a sentence that seemed to be understood but not understood—"Most people die in their twenties or thirties, because after this age, they are just their own shadows, and the rest of their lives are spent imitating themselves, repeating what they did, thought, loved, and hated during their lifetime, day after day, more mechanically, more pretentiously." Now I understand. I am starting to be afraid. The fear of death has captured me—the death of spirit and ideals. Fortunately, I am not too old yet, and there is still a possibility of change; fortunately, the soul has not died, just dormant. - "Tibet White Paper"
I will continue to write and preserve this free little world#
I once said in an interview with a magazine that I most admire Fu Zhen's sense of justice, authenticity, and independent thinking, but there is another equally important quality that I didn't mention: her writing talent. Behind her carefree personality, she has an extremely delicate writing style. From early 2006 until now, she has been persistently writing on her blog. Even when MSN Space was forced to close, she decided to spend money to rent a domain name and server to maintain the updates of her blog, just to preserve her own little world. As the first reader of every article she writes, this honor is enough to make me proud for a lifetime. - "Tibet White Paper"
I couldn't help but admire how well he understands her. I will continue to write and preserve my blog as a free little world.
By taking action, I may gradually realize that I have come a long way.
Looking back at my exploration in writing over the past year, from being afraid to write and not knowing what to write, to having countless ideas waiting to be realized; from various abstract fears to thinking about how to optimize the input and output process; from only knowing how to write on public accounts to roughly researching mainstream content platforms, and even discovering blockchain-based blogging platforms; from being unaware of the world and being a passive 2G internet user, to actively building my own RSS reader and searching for information sources around the world; from being immersed in classical literature and romanticism to glimpsing the darkness and cruelty of the real society through sociology, anthropology, economics, and more; from unconsciously only saying what is allowed to be said to realizing that there are many self-censorship that I have to endure, in this bottom line, I am still willing to push forward a little bit... Aren't these all achievements? Seeing these small progressions, life doesn't completely fall into nothingness.
I used to worry about causing unnecessary misunderstandings, whether it's in daily communication or online writing, I always try to be gentle and even more gentle. I didn't say many controversial opinions or weakened them. From now on, I want to express myself more bravely, break free from the previous slowness, not always follow the comfort zone, because writing one or a hundred articles doesn't make much difference, it's just mechanical repetition. I want to write the new me, not the me that others expect or imagine.
It seems that I am more clear about what I want to protect, and I won't just try or blend in with everything.
This year, I will continue to explore how to establish a more stable input and output system, so that unexpected events won't completely disrupt the rhythm. This will include these processes: browsing fragmented information, finding books, reading, writing reflections, publishing fragmented thoughts, gathering them into longer articles, and communicating with others... I want to easily access these texts that can motivate me, so that these things become as ordinary as washing my face and eating, I want to form a more stable little world so that I can face more challenges with a relatively calm mindset.
And the tireless exploration of related new technologies is probably because I think that new things are less influenced by the old system. I believe that many tools embody a set of thinking methods, and choosing a tool may mean endorsing its values. Just as Zhan Yu'an said: "Once you integrate a certain way of doing things and philosophy into the design of a tool, when you popularize the tool, you are also popularizing these methods and philosophy." Many changes can be implemented in the field of technology with less resistance, with rapid updates and scalability, and timely feedback. The chain is short, which can to some extent avoid redundancy and rigidity of the system and bureaucratic interference, and amplify personal creativity. In this process, I can even feel the geek spirit and idealism that are not often seen in daily life, which fascinates me. There are too many unspeakable helplessness in daily life, but in this process, I feel an unprecedented freedom, as if there is a new world ahead.
For me, many things in life can revolve around content creation, input and output. Reading and writing are like my compass, allowing me to regain a sense of control over life, and even slowly finding a suitable rhythm. In this, I am free, with a vast world waiting for me to explore.
Recording is resistance.